Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
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