Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
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