whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
