Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My e-date is really photogenic. Real-life not so much
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
