i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
