it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
So not only did you shoot down my invitation and prob walked past my house but now ur excluding me from a wet t shirt contest which btw i totally would have won
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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