too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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