Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
