Already got asked if we're dating
Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Randomize
