I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
