remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
