For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
you never un-have a 4some
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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