So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
