I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
We had to coat check the pizza.
Would a ten year old streaker be inappropriate?
That's the stuff legends are made of
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
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