Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
