i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
