$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
