we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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