Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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