Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
