what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
