Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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