oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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