it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
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