i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
