Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
