If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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