I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
