...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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