Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
