I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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