I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Randomize
