were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
