shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Randomize
