We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
