I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
ran into someone who graduated hs with us while i was paying for booze in quarters. i love it when people from my past catch me in my classier moments.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
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