I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
