Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
