i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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