I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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