I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Clearly I'm trying to change the world one fuck at a time
you DO IT for the people
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
My feet surprised me
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
