That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
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