We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
