The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
