I think my vagina is haunted
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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