When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
