I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
