In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
He asked if I smoke and I said "only fools like you on the basketball court!" Then I started crying. I think I'm about to have my period.
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
