just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
