I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
