Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
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